“Do not settle for less than exactly what you want. Your heart’s desires are there for a reason. Chase them. Pursue them relentlessly. Do not lose sight of your goals. They are your very reason for being.”
— Franki Durbin
During one of last months Good Stuff Fridays, I mentioned that I was at the start of a new fitness project using Tracy Anderson’s 90 Day Metamorphosis. Well, I’m just over 4 weeks in now and so far the poster above has it right. I’m seeing subtle changes but it’s probably not enough for anyone else to take notice (yet!).
This whole journey has been really interesting. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been incredibly interested in health and fitness. I even remember “working out” to Mickey Mouse (Mousercise!) as a kid, not because weight was even on my radar, just because I was a little health junkie and thought it was fun! When I got into high school I started filling out and exercise went from “fun” to something I did obsessively because I wanted so badly to lose weight. I had countless exercise dvd’s, a gym membership and an intense running schedule that was aiming for half-marathon training status. If you’re familiar with the term “exercise bulimic”, that was me. I could hardly keep my appetite under control and bingeing was a near-daily thing. Fast forward to my early twenties when I found a way of eating that saved my life: No more crazy food cravings, no more feeling sad all the time AND I slowly lost weight without any intense exercise whatsoever. It’s not like I haven’t moved in the last few years but yoga and rebounding (on whatever schedule I’ve felt like) have been a piece of cake compared to the way I used to torture myself. So why did I jump back on the crazy fitness bandwagon? Well…this is embarrassing to admit but…I kinda just want to look good in a swimsuit. There, I said it. I’ve gone through a lot of mind shifts, learning to love my body no matter what and eating well to be happy, not just to look good. When I realized I could lose weight without pushing myself at the gym, I got a sort of “Well screw that!” attitude. Why would I put myself through that if I didn’t have to?? This time around feels completely different. I love my body. I do. I’m not doing this to punish myself anymore so it actually feels good (ok, Tracy is kicking my butt but I don’t feel resentful about it)! It feels like I have a choice which is so much more fun than feeling like I “have to” to feel good about myself. I already feel good about myself, I’m just pushing the envelope a little bit further. Feeling stronger every week is incredibly empowering and seeing slight changes in the mirror doesn’t hurt either. Living a detox lifestyle has taken me about as far as it’s going to in terms of how my clothes fit (I’ve been at a stand still for a couple of years) and while I wear a size 2, the extra weight I carry likes to sit on my belly area and face making it look like much more than it is. I’ve struggled with this. Can I be a feminist and still work hard to look good in a bikini? Should I be doing more important things with my life and time? Can I eat well (not restrict or diet) to look good as well as feel good? It doesn’t sound as noble but I’m getting over it. I know that society puts pressure on us to look a certain way and I’ve tried to pretend that it doesn’t affect me, that I’m free-spirited and mature enough to not care about those sorts of things. Ultimately, a month into this, I feel really proud of myself. I love knowing that I’m disciplined enough to commit to this and it’s helping me feel empowered in other areas of my life as well. That’s all I’ll say for today, I look forward to sharing more as I progress!